For me, the two most difficult times in my life occurred around my birthday and around Christmas.
I was my parents' only surviving child.
Father died many years ago and was laid to rest on my nineteenth birthday.
Birthdays seemed less special after that.
Mother was forty years old when I was born and because of the differences in our ages, I became her primary caregiver making sure she had everything she needed before I went to work each day.
She suffered from severe arthritis, but was otherwise in good health and mentally sharp as Christmas drew near a few years ago. In fact, we talked about our plans for Christmas during the last conversation we were to have.
Then suddenly, mere days before Christmas, she became critically ill and, as her only surviving child, the decision to take her off life support fell squarely on me.
If you have never had to make such a decision, I hope that you never have to. It is without doubt one of the most gut wrenching decisions that has to be made and knowing that it is the right thing to do is of little comfort.
If you have had to make that decision, then you know exactly what I am talking about.
I knew I could not make this decision alone.
I leaned harder on God that day than I ever leaned on Him before.
Looking back, I honestly believe that He wanted me to lean on Him.
God used those circumstances to both tear me down and then rebuild me.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV) - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Though this was the most difficult decision I had ever faced, the difficulties continued.
I then began handling the arrangements for her services.
I had to call family and friends and break the news to them (most thought I was calling to wish them "Merry Christmas").
Some had already left town for the holidays and sadly a few did not find out until they returned.
When her funeral ended, I was absolutely exhausted.
That night, I slept the kind of sleep that my physical body had been craving for days.
When I awoke the next morning, the realization of what had transpired over the prior days was immediate.
There was also something else. There was also a deep sense of peace within me.
John 14:27 (KJV) - Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
I also felt His message in my heart...
"I just got you through the most difficult days of your lifetime. I will get you through others. All you need do is trust Me."
I will never forget what that felt like.
I also have no trouble sharing that with others.
In the years that have followed, I can honestly and confidently say that He has transformed my life.
I serve Him now in ways that I could neither have foreseen nor imagined.
One more thing...
In spite of the loss, I still love Christmas and celebrating the birth of my Savior.
Certainly, there are moments that are still painful.
There's that one song I hear during the holidays that always gets to me.
There's also that one Christmas movie that I can't through without tears.
Last year, it was a particular aroma coming from my host's kitchen that did it.
These and other things remind me of the special relationship I had with Mother.
Yet, I know that it is okay for me to miss her.
As a believer, I know I can still love her.
In the end, love is what Christmas is all about.
It is not about how we try to reach up to God.
Rather, Christmas is about how God loved us so much that He reached down to us through Jesus Christ.
John 3:16 (KJV) - For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
In loving memory of "Mom" Pokorny (as she was known by many) I wish you a Merry Christmas,
Jim Pokorny
The Other Brother Jim
Look for me at http://faithfulfeet.byethost3.com on Friday, December 17, 2010.
Please enjoy the contributions of my fellow Christian bloggers while you are there!
I'll be back here on Friday, December 24, 2010.
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